Most of us run around all day taking care of urgent things like handling rush orders and putting out fires because we’re constantly under the gun. This leaves little or no time for the important things that really matter, like planning, exercise, furthering your education, pursuing a big dream, or spending quality time with your spouse, children or closest friends. This phenomenon is often called the tyranny of the urgent.
Urgent things are seldom important and important things are seldom urgent.
The reason we don’t set aside time for these important things is because they aren’t urgent. However, deliberately setting aside uninterrupted blocks of free time every day to work on important things that aren’t urgent defuses this “time bomb” and leaves you feeling less scattered.
So where are you supposed to find this extra block of time? The answer is simple. You steal it from activities (like TV watching or playing video games or reading junk mail) that are neither urgent nor important. For example, you could turn off the TV at 9PM, go to bed earlier, get earlier and there’s your free block of time. Use this time to plan your day, exercise or work on a big project with a long term pay-off.
Time pressure is a major cause of stress
Time pressure is a major cause of stress. Many stressful events wouldn’t be stressful if it weren’t for time pressure. By setting aside uninterrupted blocks of free time each day, you will begin to control time rather than having time control you, and by so doing, you’ll eliminate an extraordinary amount of stress.
Relaxing Through the Seasons
How To Feel More In Control
Feeling like you are in control of your life is very important when it comes to managing stress. If you have what is called an external locus of control, you feel like somebody else is in the driver’s seat of your life. If you have what is called an internal locus of control, you feel like YOU are in the driver’s seat of your life. People have this internal locus of control experience less stress.
How do we gain control and how do we lose it?
Overcoming certain fears (like a fear of public speaking or a fear of flying), learning a new skill (like a complex computer program) and making a healthy life-style change (like taking up exercise) are all examples of how you can gain control over your own life. Feeling disorganized, always running late and spending money on things you can’t afford will leave you feeling like your life is out of control.
Try to determine what you can control and what you can’t.
When a particular situation seems out of control, stand back and look at it objectively. Try to determine what aspects of the situation you can control and what aspects you can’t. Let go of what you can’t control and only focus in on what you can: You can’t control the economy but you can put aside money for a rainy day. You can’t control the weather on your daughter’s wedding day, but you can go out and rent a tent.
When your life feels out of control take any action to bring it back under control, no matter how small. This exercises an area of the brain known as the prefrontal cortex: The part of the brain that helps you do the harder thing. Every time you make the harder choice, you train this part of the brain and that will help you take even more control in the future.
Managing Stress
How To Reduce Your Worries And Fears
Here are five new ways of dealing with worry and fear. Get in the habit of using one of these strategies whenever you find yourself feeling anxious or worried.
1. Only worry about the things you can control. You can’t control the economy, interest rates or the weather, so why worry about them? For example, you can’t control the weather but you can carry an umbrella. Look for what you can control in a situation and don’t worry about what you can’t.
2. Only worry with a writing instrument. Limit your worrying to those occasions when you can sit down and write out a list of what’s troubling you. Once you commit your concerns to paper, your mind is cleared of its “problem orientation” and will go to work on finding a solution. You’ll be amazed at the constructive solutions you’ll come up with if you simply take the time to write your worries down.
3. Most worries never come to pass. And really dire problems - in other words, things worth worrying about - often hit you by surprise. Take comfort in the simple logic of these two universal truths.
4. Befriend your Fears: Familiarize yourself with the frightening activity without actually engaging in it. Get a book on the subject. Watch a YouTube video. Learn from people or talk to friends who have overcome this same fear.
5. Try out what it is you fear. See if you can try the thing you are afraid of under controlled circumstances, like learning how to drive in an empty parking lot or speaking in public for the first time before a small group of friends.
If you’re one of those people who believes you’ll never conquer your fears, remember when you learned to drive: You were probably intimidated at first. Now you drive everywhere with little or no fear, despite the fact that driving is undoubtedly more dangerous than anything you are currently afraid to try. So when it comes to fear, it’s simply your lack of familiarity with the activity that determines your level of anxiety, not the inherent danger of the activity itself.
Relaxing Through the Seasons
How To Reduce Your Worries And Fears
Here are five new ways of dealing with worry and fear. Get in the habit of using one of these strategies whenever you find yourself feeling anxious or worried.
1. Only worry about the things you can control. You can’t control the economy, interest rates or the weather, so why worry about them? For example, you can’t control the weather but you can carry an umbrella. Look for what you can control in a situation and don’t worry about what you can’t.
2. Only worry with a writing instrument. Limit your worrying to those occasions when you can sit down and write out a list of what’s troubling you. Once you commit your concerns to paper, your mind is cleared of its “problem orientation” and will go to work on finding a solution. You’ll be amazed at the constructive solutions you’ll come up with if you simply take the time to write your worries down.
3. Most worries never come to pass. And really dire problems - in other words, things worth worrying about - often hit you by surprise. Take comfort in the simple logic of these two universal truths.
4. Befriend your Fears: Familiarize yourself with the frightening activity without actually engaging in it. Get a book on the subject. Watch a YouTube video. Learn from people or talk to friends who have overcome this same fear.
5. Try out what it is you fear. See if you can try the thing you are afraid of under controlled circumstances, like learning how to drive in an empty parking lot or speaking in public for the first time before a small group of friends.
If you’re one of those people who believes you’ll never conquer your fears, remember when you learned to drive: You were probably intimidated at first. Now you drive everywhere with little or no fear, despite the fact that driving is undoubtedly more dangerous than anything you are currently afraid to try. So when it comes to fear, it’s simply your lack of familiarity with the activity that determines your level of anxiety, not the inherent danger of the activity itself.
